im tired again...

im back again.. n this time, i ust finished crying... im not feeling good n i sure m not... just had a quarrel wif my mum although we didn't shout or scream at each other...

ytd, i finally recieved the news tat i had always been waiting for all this yrs... "Going overseas wif my classmates".. whenever i see my sister going oversea wif her sch, i'll always feel veri envy... i thought my dream finally came true when mrs ngoh suggest tat we go for a trip to cameron highland, n when my mother said ok... but it was not...

she came back last night n said tat one of my uncle said tat it is a veri "dirty" place... Dirty in TAT sense... n again, she dashed my hope n dream..

when i went back to sch, my friends were all saying about going oversea n how fun it will be... i was already shaken n realli hoped tat i can go... esp after mrs ngoh asked mi y im not going n said tat i can call my parents to talk to her... i realli appreciate wat she said.. n again i nv regret noeing her n having her as my teacher... yes, she dote on mi n i love it...

i came home n tried to ask my mum again, carrying some hope tat miracle will happen but in vain... she rejected mi n finally siad'" YOU WANT GO GO LA"... just this sentence marks the end of everything... n i cant end it by saying.. i wont be able to go n im confirm about it...

im crying again as i wrote this down... people might find it silly to cry over this small thing... but its not same to mi... tat is my dream n i mean it... i realli wanna go oversea wif my friends n teachers.. n i noe im gonna regret my whole life after missing this chance... cos i wont get a chance again... im already sec4 n there's no more chance for mi... will they ever understand? i noe they r just worried bout mi, but other parents can just let their child go, y cant i...

they always claim tat they have always given mi wat i want.. yes i got some but most of it didn't... i wanted to learn piano n they say no time... i wanted to learn dancing n they said no time... i wanted to learn pipa n they said no time...this r things tat i want but did i realli get it?

i learnt pianica n wanted one, they gave it to me, yes they did.. after i scored well for my result... i wanted a monopoly n they gave after i scored well for my result... i tried my best n produced results tat r gd n earned the head prefect title in pri sch, just wat they want... i put woodlands ring sec sch as my first choice n tat's wat they want.. i wanted to get to my sis sch but i didn't get it even though i could get in... i selected guzheng as my cca just as they want.. although i chose volleyball but i still went back to guzheng... i studied the subject combination just wat they want.. i fight to always get the top 20, to please them... i have been listening to them n this is my life... my sis get to do wat they want n they r happy, but im not...

im tired realli tired... but wat can i do... they r my parents...